Ladies & Gentleman...My Family

THE GOLFER

The golfer hates ranch dressing, funky cheese, mayo, mustard, fish, seafood and anything cream based. He also hates good beer, oh I mean anything that isn't domestic and isn't available in an aluminum can. It must be because in college, he was one of those guys who stacked them in his apartment window. It could also be because in high school he went out in the woods and shot cans with his people or more likely, he tried to hit them with golf balls. He also hates when people think they are better than him at golf AND THEY AREN'T and he really hates when he is giving a golf lesson and the client doesn't get it, or want to get it. He always calls his sister on the day after her birthday and I am pretty sure he doesn't call anyone else in his family on theirs. He loves T.V., his family (most days that includes me) and golf. He likes dates on the couch in front of his 100 inch HD projector in the basement watching golf and walks in the fairway.

MY JEEPERS

Jeepers hates milk and all juice except lemonade Crystal Light. It is possible that he is the only child on the planet who does not like macaroni & cheese, grilled cheese or anything that might smell kinda like cheese...including any child in the cafeteria at school who might be eating it. He also refuses to wear anything or than boxer briefs or boxer shorts and says whitey tighties are FREAKY. He is possibly the only kindergartner who is "too cool" for a Disney/movie themed lunch box or backpack. He does not believe in fiction, in fact he told me when he was age 4 that Mickey Mouse is just a guy dressed up in a suit. Jeepers is socially savy. His dream dinner is basic beef or chicken heavy on the ketchup with a baked potato and a tomato/lettuce only salad. He likes the idea of school but thinks getting up at 6:15 totally is ridiculous and for some reason that early hour makes his legs hurt...every morning. He has several very good friends and hates when I force him to play with kids of people who are my friends, not his. He enjoys long bike rides, ice skating, and running reckless in the neighborhood with guns.

MY BLONDIE BEASTIE

Da'Suser hates eating. She has a hard time finishing an entire Hershey Kiss and she has ketchup at every meal. It's possible she would like a Hershey Kiss better if she dipped it in ketchup. She likes trains, and writing with crayons on walls. She says goodnight to the T.V. before she goes to bed and she has memorized all 100 books we rotate on her shelf. She is not shy. She has a few great friends.. When she grows up, she will lie to her parents, have lots of friends and drink underage. I will tell her I did too and we will bond. She is definitely more stubborn then me, but there is no denying that she got my physique. God bless her...good thing she doesn't like to eat.

Da'Suser likes hugs and would do best on a date to McDonald's where someone would only have to buy her 3 french fries. She also loves a few pushes in a swing designed for special needs children at Bryant Park.

MOI

Big Momma (that's me). I eat large quantities of everything except seafood (thus the nickname). I hate seafood, although I did eat a lobster salad with Mrs.Kohler this summer but only because it was paired with fine wine. I have a lot of friends...most of them are good ones...some of them aren't that super of friends. I refuse to discuss anything related to kids and academics (and have been known to put my hands over my ears) with people who think their kids are (1) smarter (2) sportier (3) have a better chance of going to an Ivy League school than my child.

My favorite kind of people are (1) open minded about the topics above (2) have similar parenting style to me , and DON'T HOVER. I hate when people complain about how their significant other worked late and was home at 6 P.M. ON A WEEKDAY and then they never have to work on Saturday or Sunday. I think those kind of people need a clue...or a week in my life. I like to plan family vacations, make new recipes and clean up after the 5 neighborhood kids who spend extended hours playing at our house. I think I might be the "cool" mom...but it's possible the neighborhood kids use me for food. Just yesterday, I was called a "crazy" mom by one of the street creatures that hang here. I love wine (fine or cheap) & gossip...in that order.

xo --- B.M.